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"He could have called her home"
Although it seems like many years
The months were scarcely five
When on my knees to God I’d plead
My child he’d keep alive
Her body draped upon her bed
I saw her weak and frail
She fought for life as in her blood
The cells began to fail
Day by day her face revealed
The signs that life would flee
While day-by-day my Savior tried
The faith he’d placed in me
I’d cry for fear of losing faith
Yet in her room I’d smile
And pray “Dear Lord, relieve her pain
If only for a while”
For daughters, I had only one,
And would not let her go
I’d pray “Dear Lord, thy will be done”
Yet, in my heart I’d know
That should his will be one as such
To call her to his side
My heart would break to such extent
That I would want to hide
In hope his eyes would never see
The anger left in mine
When sadly facing his decree
Although it be divine
In selfishness I sought the hand
That held a healing touch
And found it would not move till I
Released her from my clutch
I watched through many sleepless nights
Her suffering and her pain
And found my fear had grown to such
My heart could not contain
My spirit warred against my flesh
For rule upon my heart
My love for God, my love for her
Could not be pulled apart
Through suffering, obedience came
And to my God I cried
Releasing her, though such release
Might take her from my side
And when my heart, on trembling knees,
Had finally set her free
The God of Heaven turned around
And gave her back to me!
Then, just so I would see his power
And glorify his name,
He touched my child, and with his touch
At once the healing came
Love could’ve easily called her home
But yet he let her stay
His healing touch reached far beyond
Her body on that day
He healed my selfish, fearful heart
And now I will proclaim
With humble gratitude, to all
The glory of his name.
In September of 2001, my daughter was diagnosed with Leukemia. Five months later she was cancer free.
All glory be to God. Why he chose to heal her, I don't know. All I know is that those were the hardest times of my life. Now, I am grateful and fearful before him. I ask him daily to purify my heart that in all sincerity I could have praised him whether he healed her or not.
Although her healing has been a great gift from God for me, there are other areas of my life, painful areas, where his response to my prayer has simply been "my grace is sufficient for you". My desire is to continue to glorify him by praising him in the good times as well as in the bad times. I have found that Victory in my life consists not in a problem free existence, but rather in a sin free existence. Although a problem free life would be ideal, remaining sin free in the midst of the storm is what brings glory to God and renders the enemy defeated.
Give him glory, don't do what I did. I allowed my emotions to cloud my vision. I wanted my comfort rather than God's glory. My daughters illness was the toughest time of my life. Along with her sickness came everything you can imagine; loneliness, isolation, fear, fatigue, unpaid bills, family stress. I had no money for food, no time for my other children and many other problems. But I would not change it for the world because through suffering he taught me obedience. He showed me he was there for me, he showed me his love, he allowed me to experience intimacy with him like never before and he made me who I am now.
It took some time, but he took my daughter and I both to the point where we actually have thanked him for what we went through. Yes, by his stripes we are healed, but more than healthy bodies, he desires to see us with healthy souls. The trying of our faith works patience.
If you are in the midst of a raging storm in your life and his answer to you has been "my grace is sufficient for you", praise him anyway. Let God be glorified, not in your problem free life but in how you show the world that in the midst of your problems, with him, you can endure all things. That you can and will get through your storm by his grace and through his strength. You can do all things through Christ that strengthens you. If you are in the midst of a storm, you are being watched, this is the time to let your light shine...