Miscarraige, my story

The following women have opened up their lives to us in sharing their experiences. When I began this website my intention was only to share my poems. After my miscarriage, I decided to share my experience in the hope that it would help encourage someone who may have been going through the same thing and perhaps feeling like she was the only one. Since then I've received so many responses to this section of the website that I am amazed at the amount of women looking for comfort in their hearts. Some are as young as 17, some are middle aged women who have other children but all share in one common pain; the loss of a child.

I'd be more than glad to make your experience available to others, if you like. You matter, your baby matters, your story matters. The Word of God instructs us to comfort others with the same comfort whereby we are comforted. If you are more comfortable with using your first name only, or an alias, that is alright with me.

I hope you find comfort in the following women's testimonies...

Our first Story, Tracy
My name is Traci Harrison I am 30 years old. I am married with an eleven year old stepdaughter
named Brittany. This is my second miscarriage. I was only three weeks along. I was eight weeks along with my first.

I so desperately want a baby of my own. I love my stepdaughter as if she were my own, but I want to have the experience of becoming a mom myself. Don't let anyone ever tell you it gets easier when it happens the second time. I am beginning to think something is wrong with me.

My husband wants to try for a third time, but I am very afraid of going through this pain again. My child from the first miscarriage would have been ten years old this past October. My second child was due on July 27, 2004. I know I will see both of them one day. I am a Christian and believe that everything happens for a reason. They have done something that I have not done yet, they've seen Jesus. God's will has been done. I don't understand it, and I know we are not to question why these things happen, but he knows what is best for his children.

If this child had been a boy his name would have been Matthew Dylan Harrison, and if it were a girl Maleah Grace Harrison. I have the chance of having twins because my father is an identical twin, my grandmother on my mother's side had twins (stillborn), and my grandfather (Mom's dad) was also a twin and I have two sets of twin cousins.

My husband said to me one day coming home from the doctor's office, that if the child is born and does not accept Christ as his/her personal savior, then the child would be better off not to be born. At that time we did not know that I was definitely losing the baby, and it seemed harsh a t time when he said it but now I understand what he was saying. I said this is where our job of being good parents comes in.
We have to be the best parents possible and that includes witnessing to our children once they are old enough to understand what Jesus was sent here for, and the love God showed for us by sending his only begotten son to die for our sins.

I want to thank you again for such a wonderful testimony and hope and pray that the Lord will see fit to bless us both with a child in the near future. God Bless you and your family.

~Traci Harrison


Our 2nd Story, Kristy

Mother of two

Already the mother of two wonderful boys, ages 7 and 4, I experienced a miscarriage a month ago at age 27. My husband and I had been trying to conceive for fourteen months. I found out I was pregnant on February 26, 2005. I had a surprise lunch the next day to tell all of my family. We were all full of joy at the thought of our new addition. My due date was November 4th. My baby would be born almost exactly on my twin sister's baby girl's 1st birthday and four months after my older sister's baby girl, who is due in July. My baby would make the seventh grandbaby to my parents. All of us were so thrilled to be having children who would be so close in age. My boys were already arguing whether it would be a girl or boy. My husband was pampering me at every turn. I love to be pregnant! Believe it or not we had already picked names. The thought of being so abundantly blessed with a child a third time is so amazingly awesome. Children are a true gift from God, and He was trusting me AGAIN. WOW!

Nine days after I found out I was pregnant, I began spotting. When we went to the doctor the next day, he said not to worry just yet and put me on bed rest for three days. He did an ultrasound and blood test. The ultrasound showed the baby to be half the size my baby should be. I was to come in for a second blood test on the third day to check if my hormone levels were dropping. At that point, he told me I was miscarrying my baby. Those three days of waiting were unbearable. I took many long baths to hide my tears from my boys and told no one what was happening. I cried in front of no one.

It all seemed so unfair.

I am a preschool teacher at a Christian Academy, as I have done for nine years. Every morning, I am blessed with the opportunity to teach our Bible class. We had been discussing all the miracles Jesus performed during His time here on earth. During those long baths I pleaded with Jesus to heal my baby, as He healed the nobleman's son, Jarius' daughter, and all the many others. I knew He could do anything, even raise the dead. I am a bit embarrassed now at all the examples I used to plead my case with God, as if He didn't know what His son could do. Receiving a "no" from God is one of the hardest
things I have had to accept in my lifetime. But, as always, Jesus listened to my heartfelt cries and comforted me in a way that only He can.

Every scripture I had memorized or read of God's unending love came rushing to mind. I knew He would help me through this trial. I knew and remember that God loves our children so much more than we could ever love them. His love is that big for all of us. I knew no matter what happened He was watching over me and my baby who was dying inside me. Jesus reminded me of who brings death and destruction into our lives-Satan himself (John 10:10). Yes, God allows bad things to happen to His children, but uses those trying times to teach us and those around us of His mercy and His grace. No, I didn't get angry with God or my circumstances. I did become painfully aware that this was the
devil's vicious attempt to weaken my faith in my God.

Needless to say, I told the devil in so many words (scripturally, of course) that my God was bigger and better than he was. God is ALWAYS the victorious one, and He will fulfill the desires of my heart (Psalms 145:19).

What did I learn from my miscarriage? That God is still the author and finisher of my faith. What it feels like to lose a child. What other women go through during a time like this. I had never truly understood how deep the pain was before. Just how many other women have miscarriages, even multiple times. I have heard so many sad stories over the last few weeks. The pain of seeing other infants and other pregnant women. That I am loved by my family and friends. That I am now a statistic. To rest in my Father's arms. To have peace in knowing my baby is with God and I will see him or her one day. That I do not want to ever go through a miscarriage again.

I have a hope so big in my heart that I will conceive again. I can't imagine going through my life without experiencing being a mother one more time. I know that when God decides it is time, I will receive the precious gift of a child once again. To keep my eyes on Jesus, I do remind myself daily of the wonderful scripture in Lamentations 3:23. God's mercy is new each morning!!! Oh, how He love each of us!!!



Our 3rd Story, Betty

My second miscarriage..

This is my second miscarriage in less than a year. I’m 19 years old and me and my husband ad gotten pregnant and in Sept. at 10 1/2 weeks I had my first miscarriage. It was really hard because it was my first baby. The due date was set for April 7 2005. Well I was just about to be ok with the first miscarriage when I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant.

Me and my husband were so excited about it. Well on April 7th I was really stressed and I fell on the stairs and hit my stomach. Well later that night I went to the bathroom and there was the blood. At 3 in the morning I went to the bathroom again and as I was wiping the baby fell on my hand. I was only 12 weeks so the baby wasn’t that big, but she was big enough to see the fingers and toes and her little ears and nose and the mouth. She had her little mouth open.

I’m having a hard time dealing with this, but I want other people to know that, as long as you have someone who really loves you around, you’re going to be ok. I buried my little angel with my dad who died when I was two years old.

God works in mysterious ways. Now that the baby is gone, me and my husband realized that we weren’t really ready for a baby right now. I blamed God for what happened because how could God give you something so precious and then turn around and take it away from you.

I picked up my Dad’s memory book and there was a poem in there from the bible I think and it has helped me through all this. I will never completely forget about my baby's but I will be ok. I’m giving you the poem to give to other women to see if it helps

God hath not promised skies always blue,
Flower strewn pathways all our lives through,
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy undying love.
I hope this helps another person the way it is helping me.


Betty found comfort in a poem that reminded her that God is still there for her and that he is able to supply grace for the trials, and most of all undying love. God works in wonderful ways, doesn’t he?

Our 4th Story, Anonymous

"Heaven's Star"

Little angel
Heaven's star
Tears from heaven
A place so far

My unborn child
I miss you so
So many things about you
I will never know

It's been three years now
Since you were taken away
I lost my part of my heart
That sad April day

Trying to make since of the sorrow
Trying to understand
Why you had to go so soon
You slipped right through my hands

So until we meet again, my love
In a place so very far
Know I will be thinking about you
I love you my heaven's star

A letter from Mommy

My Dearest Baby,

It has been three years since you left us and went to Heaven. I think about you every day and wonder what you are doing. You have a wonderful father and a sister who still is too young to understand why mommy cries, but when she is old enough I will tell her about the brief time we had together.

I talk to you all the time, hoping you can hear me. I know we will be together again one day. When that day comes I will wrap my arm around you and cry tears of joy.

Goodnight my sweet child.

Love, Mommy

Our 5th Story, Amber

My name is Amber Scott. I am 21 years old, and my husband of two years, Jason, is 24. My senior year in high school, my sister, Christi, found out that her baby had an unbalanced chromosome translocation. Being around 5 and a half months pregnant, her pregnancy ended when she had her little girl, Sheena Grace. She was stillborn. My other sister, Angie, was 4 and a half months pregnant at the time, and Christi's genetic counselor strongly suggested that all siblings be tested for this chromosome abnormality. Angie gave birth to Joshua Randal on November 22, 2000. Being so early, he passed away 2 hours later. Just before graduation, I got my results back, that I carried the translocation also.

Jason and I were married September 22, 2001. We both love children, and decided not to try to prevent pregnancy after we got married. In the Summer of 2003, with no luck at getting pregnant, we ended up seeing a fertility specialist. We were pregnant October 7th. The feeling was indescribable!
After many different tests, we found out that our son had the unbalanced translocation. Our world came crumbling down.

On January 21st, 2004 at 9:45 p.m., I gave birth to our son, Alexander. He had been gone for several days. But he was absolutely beautiful. He looked just like his daddy.

I never did ask God why. I never felt anger towards him for taking our son, and my niece and nephew. I feel that God has a plan for all of us. And we might not like what life throws at us sometimes, but he knows what's best. I know our children are in heaven with Jesus, and he is taking care of them. All they will ever know is warmth, comfort, love and happiness. They will never know evil. Or pain. Or sadness.
Jason and I went to church last Sunday for the first time in our marriage. We felt so at home there, so loved.... we felt like our hearts and our souls were being given a hug.

We plan to try again in June or July. And we will be alright. Because everything happens for a reason.
Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to tell you about our little Alex.

Our 6th Story, Radia

I am a 23year old , who has been married for 1 and a half years. My journey starts like this, my husband told me that it was time for us to start a family, February 2003, so I went off my contraceptives, and gave myself six months to fall pregnant. It happened just as planned I found out the 2nd sept 2003 that I was a month pregnant. In December 2003 I went for my 5 month check up, I was feeling all good about myself. When we done the ultrasound there was no movement, and no heartbeat. I found that very hard to believe, as I was feeling all good, and energetic. And had no symptoms of a miscarriage. I got the doctor to check more than 3 times just to make sure. I could not believe what I just saw, a scan with no movement. I looked at my husband and could just see the pain crushing thru his body. The next day I was admitted to hospital and I was going to be giving birth to my dead 5 month old baby. I experienced everything, I was in labour for 24 hours. Finally the moment of truth I gave birth to my little boy. I held him in my arms for the first and the last time. Few moments later I was rushed to theatre were the D&C was performed. Few hours later the doctor comes to visit me with all my test results, and I was told that there was nothing wrong me, my blood test came back all negative for all the tests, the baby had been 2 weeks already dead inside of me, the placenta had some rupturing, but not enough to have killed the baby. I was stunned, then what was the cause how could this have happened to my baby. The question running thru my mind all the time was why, and how....... And that is when I put my faith in God

My healing..

God has really been amazing with me, he has given me the strength to get thru this experience, he has been my comfort thru the rain, and I believe he would have never done something like this to punish me, this was a blessing my baby came in peace and he left in peace...I felt as if I failed my baby, but how could I feel that way, when only GOD gives and take life.I believe he has a better plan for me. Although each day it gets harder for me, I find my way back to believing in him. Its very hard for me, every minute without my child is like what I imagined hell to be, and yet God seem to bless me by showering me with seas of water to destroy the blazing flames of pain. Those five months were the best months of my life, and if you ask me, having him grow inside of me, makes me feel as if I have really lived, I experienced the best of life. I have lived!!!

I thank God for giving me that precious gift, it is something I will never forget, it is the most amazing feeling on earth. I will always look back onto to it as a blessing. He has given me the strength to heal and to be a better person, even thou my world seems so dark right now, I feel Him pulling me thou, He is right behind, in front and beside me. My faith in God will always remain. Not even loosing my child will make me doubt The Lord, and that I think is amazing. God is the only comfort in my life right now. I know my Angel is in Heaven looking down on me, his presence will always be with me, no matter what I may do in life, he has filled my heart with so much joy and happiness, and I will never forget that feeling ..... I'll always look back as I walk away, those memories will last for eternity.. until that day that we meet again my baby will always be the prince of my heart. Nothing can take away what you mean to me my little angel....

I thank God for listening to me, for being there for me, and most of all for doing what he thought was best for me. I have never felt this close to You MY CREATOR... its almost scary. and I am fearless right now, I have the best looking out for me ........

A little message for those who are going thru what I am going thru. " God put you in it, keep the faith and he will help you through it.." Just think of it like this our babies are in the arms of the most loving, and most merciful, and they are playing in Gods paradise.... they have been blessed with heaven, and they are keeping a place for us in that paradise too.


Feel free to email us your story if you'd like to share it with others.