Comfort after a Miscarraige

My experience...

Although I've promised myself not to include any "lengthy stories about me" on this website, I've decided to share with you, the reader, a bit of a recent experience. A couple of weeks ago I experienced my 2nd miscarriage. My first miscarriage took place when I was a young newlywed many years ago, now being close to 39 years of age I've lived through my 2nd. I found, as many of you have, that a miscarriage brings with it a range of emotions. Some of which are very painful. I looked around the Web and found very little in the way of comfort or consolation for my situation. Therefore I've decided to offer you Mom's a little bit of comfort by giving you a place to remember the precious child you've lost...

Losing a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or SIDS is a very difficult experience. It leaves a woman with a great sense of loss. There could be many questions going through your mind. "Why?", "Where is God in all of this?", "Does anyone know how I feel?". Let me tell you, you are not alone. Many, many women have felt or are feeling exactly what you are feeling right now.

My first miscarriage occurred when I was a newlywed. I was 4 and a half months into my pregnancy when I lost my baby. Needless to say, I was devastated. By that time I had already prepared a nursery for my baby, I already had a crib, clothes and even toys waiting for this little bundle of joy. My 2nd miscarriage took place a couple of weeks ago, 4 kids and 17 years later, during my 10th week of pregnancy. Although there is a great deal of difference in the development of a baby in it's 4th month and a baby in it's 10th week, to me, it made no difference in the way I felt when I lost my baby.

I felt a great loss, a void.  I felt disappointed, even cheated. I felt discouraged and even struggled with doubts in my faith. I asked myself why God would allow this to happen. I felt like no one understood my pain and no one, no matter how good their intentions were could understand my loss. In my mind, and in my heart, I had already welcomed my baby into my family, into my home, into my life. I had held it in my arms, loved it, bonded with it.  I had even walked my child to his, or her, first day of school. In my mind and in my heart this child was as real and so much a part of me as if it had already been born.

The miscarriage itself was awful.  It was painful and very traumatic.  Without getting into detail, just let me say that it hurt to hear the doctor refer to the baby as a "specimen".  To me, I was in the middle of experiencing the death of my child.  To the doctor, it was just another day at work, just an other "procedure". I think many of you could relate to these feelings.

Where does God fit in?

I was able to make it through because of a loving God, who, being a father himself knew of my pain and understood it more than anyone else ever could. My consolation came through my faith in this loving God.  I know that God is not the author of evil, therefore, my miscarriage was not a result of "God being mean to me" or "punishing me".  When God created man, when he created the world we live in, he created us perfect, in his image and likeness.  Man, in choosing to sin, opened the doors for sin and death to enter the world.   (Rom 5:12 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned) With it came sickness, disease, and many other things which many times are out of our control. He set certain laws into effect and these laws have taken their course.

Yes, God is able to heal, he is able to renew, restore, even raise the dead. But if a misfortune befalls us, such as sickness, sorrow, or even death, and God chooses not to interfere and instead allows nature to take it's course, this does not make him any less God.  It is not, by any means, a measure of his love for you or I.  Sin came into this world, and death by sin. God, on the other hand has made a way of escape. He has defeated death and offered us eternal life. God is able to take something that was meant for evil and use if for good. (Gen 50:20 But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good...) If we allow this experience to draw us closer to him and to enable us to trust him even when we don't understand the reasons why these things take place. (Job 13:15 Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him...)

My child, your child are not victims of a "mean God" on the contrary, my child and your child are loved and now cared for by the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords, the ever loving, ever merciful God of Heaven. The Bible makes it clear that a human being is alive and has a soul upon conception. My child, and your child were know of God when they were yet in our wombs. (Psa 22:10 I was cast upon thee from the womb: thou art my God from my mother's belly.) He knew them and loved them even more than you or I could ever have loved them.  He even knew their name, even if we ourselves did not know it yet.. (Isa 49:1 Listen, O isles, unto me; and hearken, ye people, from far; The LORD hath called me from the womb; from the bowels of my mother hath he made mention of my name.)  Now I can smile because I have put my trust in a God who has promised to "prepare us a place" that where he is there might we (and our babies) ever be.  (Joh 14:2-3In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.)

Don't allow bitterness into your heart, don't allow anger into your heart. It is perfectly natural, perfectly understandable to mourn, to cry, even to be angry.  But the Bible says to be angry and sin not.  (Eph 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:) Let God comfort you, he is after all the God of comfort. (2Co 1:3-4 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.) Let him use you to comfort other women who may be experiencing the same thing you have. He understands our sorrows and he sees our every tear. He knows what we got through, he is touched by our infirmities (Heb 4:15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities...) Don't allow this awful thing that has happened to you, to turn you into an awful bitter, angry person. Cry, but cry to God. Cast all your cares upon him for he cares for you, and for the child you lost. (1Pe 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.)

My gift to you...

I'd like to offer you a place to remember your baby. I'll create new web pages here on (free of course!) where you could share your experience, so others can see that they are not alone. You can see what other women have sent in below.

 E-mail me and tell me about your experience, tell me about your baby. Had you already chosen a name? When was your baby's due date? How has God comforted you in all of this? What advise could you give a woman who has recently lost a child to miscarriage, SIDS or has had a stillborn child?  I'll put your stories up for others to read and as a memorial to your baby.  You can write a letter to your baby, or a poem or anything you'd like. This way you'll have a place to commemorate your baby....